Trauma shapes how we feel, relate, and experience safety — it can come from many experiences — medical events, accidents, a single overwhelming incident, or witnessing something distressing. It can also be chronic and repeated, and in many cases, it happens within relationships. Relational trauma and attachment wounds happen when someone experiences emotional or psychological harm in important relationships. This can be with family members, partner, close friends, or caregivers. Attachment wounds shape how we connect with others and ourselves.

Trauma can feel like a heavy word, but it happens to many people — both Big “T” trauma and small “t” trauma. Big “T” Trauma is what most people are familiar with, but what is the small “t” trauma? This refers to less memorable misfortunes during childhood, but the impact is far more damaging to the psyche and has long lasting negative effect from what seems like an insignificant event.

Big “T” trauma involves harmful events happening.

Small “t” trauma happens when important needs were not met.

Trauma is not only about what happened — it is also about how the body and nervous system responded to protect you. When experiences feel overwhelming, frightening, or unsupported, the nervous system adapts to survive. Over time, these survival responses can become patterns that continue long after the danger has passed, shaping how you feel, relate to others, and experience safety in everyday life.

It can be parents being physically present but emotionally unavailable, experiencing loss or separation (whether long-term or short-term), bullying, harassment, or even mild neglect. While these experiences may not be life threatening, they can be very distressing to the person experiencing them and vary significantly from person to person. It occurs when: